


Flush and Pitch! The Battle For Senpai's Heart!

by RiYuYami



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anime Cliches, Karkat is not allowed to write friendfiction, M/M, based on the paradox space comic 'summerteen romance', shoujo elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2016-01-30
Packaged: 2018-05-17 04:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5853817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiYuYami/pseuds/RiYuYami
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat has decided to write friendfiction of himself and several others in an anime-type setting.</p>
<p>Dave is the unfortunate soul who has to read it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flush and Pitch! The Battle For Senpai's Heart!

Another beautiful day, the sun is shining, the chimes are heard in the fluttering of the breeze, and the cherry blossoms are blooming.

School is starting, students arrive in their uniforms of gray, black, and a specific shade of purple. However, one student is a tad bit late for school, but not at all late for the most exciting day of his life.

karkat i swear to god if this is you im stopping right now

DAVE PLEASE, THIS IS MY MASTER PIECE, OF COURSE IT’S ME.

why do you keep having me read these why not rose

BECAUSE ROSE IS BUSY WITH KANAYA AND TEREZI OVER SOME BULLSHIT. I WASN’T LISTENING TO WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT; I WAS TOO BUSY TRYING TO WRITE THIS OUT.

i am going to regret this

Continuing, the student, our lead, our hero, is known as Karkat Vantas. He is a bit of a lonely soul; a plain troll Jane it seems. ( what ) Poor Karkat is often forgotten, left to wander the school halls alone, his own friends often ignoring him for their own pleasures and other friends. And yet, despite being a total wallflower, an average student, stuck in ill-fitting clothes and clunky spectacles, he knows that today will be the day that everything changes.

However, for that to happen, he has to make sure he gets to class before the final bell! And here he goes, past the gates to the prestigious Alternia Academy, with his half eaten grub toast between his teeth. As he runs, his skirt bellows in t-

skirt? dude why are you in a skirt

like im not judging if thats what you do to make you feel all pretty and shit but why are you in a skirt

IT’S TO SET THE MOOD, STRIDER. I DON’T BELIEVE I’VE EVER SEEN A TROLL OR HUMAN ANIME WHERE A MAIN CHARACTER IS LIKE THIS AND NOT WEARING A SKIRT.

that because they are usually girls

I DON’T SEE HOW THIS IS A PROBLEM.

…

moving on

As he runs, his skirt bellows in the breeze that sweeps up under him, causing his skirt to lift a little, showing off his-

… oh my god you seriously wrote in a fucking panty shot i can seriously not believe what i am reading

STOP PAUSING AND QUESTIONING MY WRITING AND JUST READ IT, GOD DAMN.

*Ahem* Showing off his… cute, blue panties. He squeaks and tugs down his skirt, hoping no one saw that. Well, if someone were to see, he hoped it would be this one special guy. ( and here i thought you would want terezi to see your panties ) But sadly, his one true love is attending another school, Alternia Academy’s arch rival.

With a mournful sigh at how horrible romance can be for a poor, young troll, Karkat finished his breakfast just in time for the first bell to toll. He quickly makes his way to class, getting to his seat before the final bell.

Yes, safe from humiliation. The teacher announces that a school event is happening today, oh? Karkat ponders, what sort of event? Teacher tells the class that they will be going to the school down the street, Earth High, and participating in a combined school festival.

earth high? dude where is this going? i am scared to find out

JUST KEEP READING, IT’S GETTING GOOD.

i am regretting everything i have read so far

SHUT THE FUCK UP, STRIDER. JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN’T APPRECIATE A GOOD LOVE STORY, DOESN’T MEAN YOU GET TO MAKE COMMENTARY ABOUT IT. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO SO.

i have no right to sit through this shit either

READ IT!

fine!

Karkat then proceeds to go off on a fucking monologue about how Earth High is a school of stuck up, snooty, ugly worm baby students who never play fair.

STICK TO THE ACTUAL WRITING!

ANYWAY… However, there is but one student in the whole school that Karkat knows is not like that, no… he’s ten times worse! With his stupid dark, thick locks, his stupid, perfect weird human skin, his tall body and perfect structure, and those gorgeous blue eyes. Eyes as blue as the clear sky, or the ocean, or-

IT’S JOHN!?

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

you wanna anime bone john!? wait till rose finds out about this one!

DON’T TELL HER!

I ONLY PICKED EGBERT BECAUSE HE IS A BETTER SENPAI THAN YOU OR ONE OF THE OTHER EARTHLINGS I HAD WATCHED.

i dont know what to do with this information

wait does this have something to do with that black crush you had on him that Kanaya totally told me about and that i wasnt suppose to bring up around you

SHE DID WHAT?!

Moving along! Karkat still remembers the day he fell hard for that buck toothed Adonis ( i hate that i read this aloud ). It was last year, on a cold, rainy day. Karkat had missed his bus and was forced to walk in the cold, terrible rain. But as he walked, wallowing in his own misery, he was suddenly covered, by an umbrella. Standing next to him was the one and only John Egbert.

Karkat didn’t know what to do at that moment, this student, in the white and neon green uniform, was smiling at him while holding his umbrella the wrong way above our hero. He then grinned and tipped the umbrella, dropping water all over the poor boy! Then he laughed like an idiot and ran off, winking at him. Karkat’s heart burned with a passion that rivaled the rage he felt towards that human boy. ( STOP MAKING GAGGING SOUNDS. )

From that moment on, Karkat would watch John-senpai from afar, hoping for another chance to interact with him. Sadly, it seems that John-senpai just won’t notice him anymore.

( I SAID STOP MAKING GAGGING SOUNDS. )

But with this festival…! Maybe Karkat could get a second chance! He could meet with John-senpai, and kiss him! And punch him too! It would be beautiful, and John-senpai could reply with the same actions. He had to, it was destiny, they were destined to be kismesis!

When the hour of arriving to the rival school came, Karkat was beyond nervous. He clutched his books tightly to his chest-

why do you have books if youre going to a festival

BECAUSE SHUT UP.

right

He clutched his books tightly to his chest, fixing his glasses on his small nose ( I HEARD THAT SNORT. ) as he followed his fellow classmates off the school grounds and down the road. Earth High was an ugly school, not like the beauty and pristine of Alternia Academy, but what could you do when you were a school full of a simple, primitive alien race?

The gates opened to the trolls as they stepped into the grounds, seeing the quaint little festival set up, with lots of fun games and booths, and even food to eat. Karkat quietly broke away from the group, as if anyone would have noticed him anyway. He carefully went about, trying to find his one true hate crush, where could he be? Karkat felt it in his blood pusher that John-senpai was around here somewhere.

“Oof!” Karkat suddenly exclaimed as he bumped into a solid mass. He luckily didn’t fall down, because a pair of strong, lean arms were keeping him pressed against a warm chest. Karkat blinked, his glasses askew. He suddenly realized what this delightful, warn, soft thing was he had bumped into.

He had totally face planted with some awesome, boner-inducing Egbert boobies.

I DID NOT WRITE THAT LINE.

i know but its pretty much exactly what you wrote only it was written as the truth

As you keep your face pressed against the bosom of John-senpai, you feel his human heart beating, getting louder and faster. You dare take the chance of looking up at his gorgeous, horrible face.

You tilt up slowly and stare into beautiful eyes of rich blue, much nicer than an asshole-ish blue castes’ blood! He was looking extra nice today, his dark hair blowing in the breeze, the sun was in just the right position to make his skin practically shimmer.

i have never read anything so homoerotic in my life and my brother ran a gay puppet forum

I DON’T CARE WHAT ANY OF THAT HAS TO DO WITH MY STORY.

John-senpai stared back at Karkat, taking in the natural beauty of the lowly boy, with the freakish red blood, evident by the red tint to his cheeks. John felt the urge to prank this young troll, but a little part of his couldn’t find it in him to reach for the pie that was conveniently sitting on a booth right by him.

As Karkat continued to stare, pressed against those lovely chesticles, he wondered why he wasn’t punching this human. Oh… oh no! He had heard from his books and movies, that the spade and heart quadrants were known to flip flop!

Could this be one of those cases?

It was possible, they were of the stronger feels of troll romance, and from the looks of things, it seems that John-senpai was also considering this option.

“I… h-hello.” John-senpai had stammered out, his cheeks changing color by his own freakish red blood.

“John-senpai…” Karkat said, just barely above a whisper, leaning in closer to him, just as the other leaned down towards his face.

They were so close, lips almost touching…

“Hey! What are you doing with my matesprit-boyfriend?”

Karkat and John turned at the sudden voice. Standing not far from them was Karkat’s arch rival of love, dressed in a white and green girls uniform, flapping around in the strong wind that picked up from the tension that was between Karkat and this intruder of fate.

It was the one and only Dave S-

WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? DON’T EAT MY SCRIPT!!!

it must die

IT MOST CERTAINLY DOES NOT NEED TO DIE! GIVE IT BACK! AH! YOU ATE PART OF THE FIRST PAGE!

good it tastes better than it sounds

STOP EATING IT! I’M TELLING RO- DON’T LICK IT!

The end???

**Author's Note:**

> Anime was a mistake. 
> 
> There might be a part two if I can suffer through writing it.
> 
> Actually, I will seriously write a part two if someone draws really crappy fanart so I can put it in the story. You will get major credit and a one-shot in return.


End file.
